Wednesday, September 18, 2013


What does it mean when you feel like you are being besieged on all fronts, yet to ask for prayer from any fellow warriors feels like complaining? And, if you asked for prayer, would they stand beside you and fight? Or, lend a sympathetic ear and then go about their day? How often am I the one who hears a plea for help and then becomes focused again on myself and what to fix for dinner? If you do stand in the trenches with them, how DO you somehow balance that with all the “have tos”, the 3 meals a day, beds waiting to be made, Mount Washmore climbing ever higher by the washer. And the things that are so very much more important- standing with my husband and children in the middle of this war raging, teaching academics as well as character and life lessons, and all the rest. Can I teach those things when I don’t have a clue?

Does God get tired of questions?

The alarm went off at 4:00 a.m. The love of my life rolled out and headed off to exercise. Disciplined man that he is. Ug, I am so tired. And so many things bombarding my brain. 

Ok, time to push out all this stuff that I have no answers for right now, and focus on the day. Maybe, I can get up and get enough done that I can make it to the tax office by eight and get back in time to start science with Mason at 10, then History. Gotta get Marissa to art by 1....pick her up by 3...and then leave for Mason's game by 4:15 ish.....oh, ya, supper...what can I fix in that amount of time so he can eat by 4?.....that will make 3 trips out, 2 into Alb if I do much time driving, not to mention the gas.  Hah! stay at home mom. That's a good one. 

"God, could you install a "pause" button on my brain? Or even just a "mute" so I don't have to listen to it ALL the time? Thanks."

Then, I  catch a glimpse of the most glorious sunrise ever. And the clouds, the birds singing up the sun. As I begin to focus on the gifts, the list goes on and on, scampering ahead of my thoughts so that I can't even catch up with them. Too many to count.

Thank you for listening, Lord. And for grace.

Wednesday-bring it on!

Deuteronomy 33:12 "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders."

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


Have you ever been truckin' along, in that "do the next thing that is screaming to be done" mode, and then something really get your attention?

Last Sunday in the midst of sharing an experience, our pastor said something that keeps popping up in my thoughts. He was explaining that he was with a group and they were hiking along a river. The water was loud and he was bringing up the rear. The guide gave instructions, but he didn't hear them. Then he said, "I didn't intentionally disobey-I wouldn't have done that. But I didn't hear. I just wasn't listening."

Ouch. This resonates with me. I wouldn't intentionally disobey.  I just wasn't listening.

I LOVE quiet. I love early morning, the sunrise that I feel like God gives just to me each morning. (Egocentric, I know.) Our family is quiet. We don't yell or scream or really even talk loud. I used to unnerve Clay and Jennie's friends because they wouldn't hear me coming and then they would notice I was in the room with them. (heh, sneaky!) Yet, my life feels loud.  These words by Ann Voskamp jump off the page as I read them, "The world I live in is loud and blurring and toilets plug and I get speeding tickets and the dog gets sick all over the back step and I forget everything and these six kids lean hard into me all day to teach and raise and lead and I fail hard and there are real souls that are at stake and how long do I really have to figure out how to live full of grace, full of joy--before these six beautiful children fly the coop and my mothering days fold up quiet? How do you open the eyes to see how to take the daily, domestic, workday vortex and invert it into the dome of an everyday cathedral?"

Pondering this for the last several days I have been reminded of a parenting principle I learned when my kids were little. Often, as I spoke to them it might appear that they were just not obeying. In the middle of a game or project they were distracted. They might even acknowledge that they heard me, still no response to the instruction being given. However, I could call their name, say "Look at me," and get them to look in my eyes. I would then repeat my instructions and off they would go, happily carrying out my request.

So, on my "read this everyday until I die and maybe it will soak in" list, this is what I want to add.
Sit with Jesus. Seek His face. See the gifts he pours out on me. Thanking him continually for everyday grace. Stay there until the chaos stills, and the loud quiets. Listen.